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The applicant provides two clear reasons motivating the student to pursue graduate study: She then supports those two reasons with examples and analysis.
The applicant gives thoughtful analysis of the advantages she has been afforded that have allowed her to study music so extensively.
We get the sense that she is insightful and empathetic—qualities that would add greatly to any academic community. This is a strong, serviceable personal statement. And in truth, given that this for a masters in music composition, other elements of the application like work samples are probably the most important.
However, here are two small changes I would make to improve it: I would probably to split the massive second paragraph into separate paragraphs. Did she think about them during hard practice sessions?
Is she interested in composing music in a style they might have played? More specific examples here would lend greater depth and clarity to the statement.
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Try our 5-day full access trial for free: Get a great GRE score. Guaranteed This statement is clearly organized. Almost every paragraph has a distinct focus and message, and when I move on to a new idea, I move on to a new paragraph with a logical transitions.
This statement covers a lot of ground in a pretty short space. I discuss my family history, my goals, my educational background, and my professional background.
In addition to including information about my personal motivations, like my family, I also include some analysis about tailoring health interventions with my example of the Zande. This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background.
My public health recommendation: Grad School Personal Statement Example:Examples of Awesome Personal Statements Article Type: Tasty Bits Write your own awesome personal statement with our COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY LAB, which will guide you through the process, providing tips and even more examples along the way.
The personal statement essay is your chance to state your achievements and qualifications in a manner that will be compelling to admissions committees. Most of the other components of your application are numbers (test scores, GPA, etc.) or out of your control (letters of recommendation).
Common Application Personal Statement. Looking for examples of past college essays that worked? These are some admissions essays that our officers thought were most successful (and some thoughts from the officers that liked them).
Write your own awesome personal statement with our COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY LAB, which will guide you through the process, providing tips and even more examples along the way.
Before you start, check out our own sample essays—or scroll down for the Best of the Web. Personal statements are now de rigueur not only for college and graduate school admissions but also for grants, scholarships, fellowships, and some jobs. There are even stories of house sales lost in bidding wars for want of an appealing letter to the sellers.
Personal statements and application essays need to make a compelling case for your admission by highlighting your educational background, leadership activities, professional background, accomplishments, and credentials.
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